Three Idiots in a Kitchen – Caribbean Jerk


We found ourselves in a quandary this week for the continuation of the Steak Night tradition: Roller Derby started a triple header at 4PM, followed by an after party that trumped all previous engagements. This called for drastic measures, and the introduction of a new series: 3 Idiots in a Kitchen. Guaranteed to blow your arteries, and leave you a little more stupid by the end of the article.


Chicken breasts, rice, kidney beans, black beans, can of coconut milk, sprigs of fresh thyme, paprika, Cajun seasoning, chicken broth, habanero peppers, and a dozen donuts.


You’ll be using this recipe for the rice:

Make the jerk seasoning – Just Google it

Marinate the chicken the night before

Prepare chicken with a nice cleaver – Just Google this as well

Mince garlic, chop onion & Serrano peppers

Soak beans, wash rice




Season cast iron pan with hot oil

Season chicken, place in oil, be sure to burn Parker while he’s doing prep

Saute veggies for the rice briefly

Saute rice briefly, add water, broth, beans, followed by coconut milk, top with thyme sprigs, Cajun seasoning, paprika, hot sauce



Continuously stir the rice mixture, adding liquid if required (be careful!)


Add lime to chicken and rice dish


Garnish chicken with thyme sprigs. This will make it look amazing.


The rice however will not be looking amazing – but don’t worry – you haven’t fucked up if it looks like this.

The trick here is to have the beans be a bit past ‘al dente’ and the rice not yet at tapioca levels of mushy. Mess up either and the texture will be off.




Serve up chicken and rice on a plate, with room for a donut on the side. Let the donut warm up and soak in some of the jerk seasoning – it actually works really well. A porter goes well with this meal if you really want to be a glutton.

Captain at IsWayTooSexy
Master of the Universe. Connoisseur of fine cheeses. Seducer of bits and bytes. Lion tamer. Chartered accountant, and all other remaining sexy occupations and hobbies.