Chili: Bachelor Style

chili

If you are looking for an amazing chili recipe that will let you win the local cook off or wow a date straight out of her panties, you should go back to Google because this is not it. If you cannot cook and want to learn how to make something hot, filling, and reasonably tasty, congratulations because you just won the Google lottery. I learned this recipe from my Dad, and since kids don’t seem to be in the cards for me… today Lucky Strike is going to teach you how to make Bachelor Style Chili. Alright let’s get started.

  1. What you’ll need:
    1. A pot: Nonstick is a must and make sure it isn’t super tiny, but beyond that any old pot will do.
    2. A can of chili: I prefer Hormel Chunky with Beans because of its cheap, has a good texture, and the cans can be opened without a can opener; however, any canned chili will work as long as it isn’t super watery. From my experience the Hormel chilies are optimum, but feel free to experiment.
    3. Cheese: You will want to have a lot of cheese. I tend to use Pepper-Jack, but any cheese that melts nicely and is not super flavorful will do. Colby-Jack is also a solid choice if you do not want to go spicy. Don’t waste fancy cheeses on this dish, it is waste of money and will negatively impact the chili’s flavor.
    4. Tortilla Chips: You will be using these in lieu of a spoon to eat the chili… less dishes.
    5. Beer: I find that I usually like a darker beer with chili because it help beat back the heat when I go hot sauce happy, but this recipe doesn’t have a recommended pairing so feel free to get whatever.
  2. Optional addition:
    1. Spiciness: I like to add some heat to my chili. I’ve got a little bottle of green hot sauce from Mexico that provides a nice burn. If you want to give you chili more of a kick just buy a hot sauce or spice that you like and dump it in. I recommend using a lot of sauce/spice because the large amount of cheese this recipe calls for can dilute a lot of sauce.
  3. Cooking instructions:
    1. Turn on a burner. I recommend medium heat.
    2. Put the pot on a burner, open beer, open chili, and dump the chili in the pot.
    3. Cut/break the cheese up into small chucks (larger surface area will mean quicker melting time… this is actually super important, because if your cheese doesn’t melt before the chili begins to boil you run the risk of the bottom part of the chili burning and sticking to your pot, which is a pain in the ass to clean). Use a lot of cheese. I don’t really measure, but I’d say shoot for just shy of a 1 to 3 ratio with the chili.
    4. Take a drink. Look at the chili. Stir the chili. Is the cheese melting? If not turn, up the heat. If yes, what is the constancy? You want a relatively high viscosity. If it seems at all watery add more cheese to thicken it up.
    5. Keep drinking. Feel free to wander around your home. Swing by the kitchen ever couple swigs and stir the chili.
    6. Is it boiling? If it is boiling and all the cheese is melted and evenly stirred in you are good to go. If it is boiling but the cheese isn’t melted, you have the heat way too high. Turn it down and stir for a bit.
    7. Once the chili has bubbled a bit and the cheese is melted and evenly distributed you can take the pot off the stove and place it on a hot pad where you want to eat. To give you a sense of how long this should take… you should have about half of a beer left at this point.
  4. Eating instructions:
    1. Use the tortilla chips to scoop the chili directly from the pot and into your mouth. They are tiny little edible spoons! If you do this right your only dishes will be the pot and the knife you used to cut up the cheese.

Enjoy!

Lucky Strike
Boatswain at Is Way Too Sexy
A young professional struggling with alcoholism finds a creative outlet.