Bacon Sandwiches, Slider Style.

All animal life is driven by the four F’s (fighting, fleeing, feeding, and fucking). Today I’d like to discuss the F that I have the most trouble with, feeding. Don’t get me wrong, I am okay at shoving food in my face; however, cooking is a bit more of a challenge, and cooking something that anyone else is willing to eat as a prelude to the fourth F… well.. yeah… that. Indeed, in all of the culinary realms I have but one skill: sandwiches. I love sandwiches and, through years of practice, have learned to make some pretty respectable ones. Today I am going to talk to you about the best sandwich that I know how to make: the Bacon Sandwich. Specifically, I’m going to help you get to the fourth F by walking you through the fine art of creating Bacon Sandwich Sliders.

  1. Shopping Trip
    1. Little hamburger buns (cute little things… around four square inches of surface area)
    2. Pepper jack cheese (or habanero jack if you swing hot)
    3. Mustard (I like the cheap yellow stuff, this is not a fancy mustard type sandwich)
    4. Thick cut bacon (you’ll want one strip per tiny hamburger bun)
    5. Toothpicks (preferably with the fancy plastic ends, or little cocktail swords… whatever)
    6. Beer (I like to cook with darker beers, but as long as it isn’t Budweiser you’ll be fine)
  2. Cooking
    1. Open a beer.
    2. Take out a frying pan and throw on one strip of bacon per planed slider.
    3. Cut little squares of cheese that are roughly the size of the tiny buns.
    4. Poke at the bacon with a fork every now and again. Move it around and make sure you don’t start a grease fire. Really that is the key to cooking bacon.
    5. (optional) If you have a toaster oven go ahead and toast the little buns. Not heavily, but enough to give them a hint of texture.
    6. Put some mustard on the buns.
    7. Open another beer.
    8. When you are about half of the way done with that beer the bacon should be about done. Drinking paces may vary so use your best judgement. You want crispy edges, but not a shriveled wreck. It needs some flexibility.
    9. Wrap the bacon around the cheese. This is the hard part. You’ll probably burn yourself on the hot bacon grease the first few times. That is part of the process.
    10. Put the bacon wrapped cheese in the little burgers and use a toothpick to spear it in place.
    11. Open another beer.
  3. Eat
    1. If you are lucky you’ll have someone to share the sliders with and they’ll be impressed because they are cute and super tasty.
    2. If you aren’t lucky, you get to eat like a pound of bacon sliders in one sitting. This is not a bad outcome.

Enjoy and happy feeding.

Lucky Strike
Boatswain at Is Way Too Sexy
A young professional struggling with alcoholism finds a creative outlet.